Author: bob
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Escape from the Treadmill: A 2022/2023 Trail Blazers Preview
In the seven seasons since LaMarcus Aldridge’s departure for South Texas, the Trail Blazers have been trapped in a dead sprint atop the league’s notorious treadmill of mediocrity. The architect of the teams of the past decade, Neil Olshey, seemed perfectly content with fielding good but not great teams who sold tickets but didn’t actually…
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Trail Blazers as Game of Thrones Characters: An Authoritative Account
Not even writing a lede, you know what it is. CJ McCollum: Tyrion Lannister Much like Tyrion Lannister, CJ was undersized growing up. Unlike Tyrion Lannister, CJ grew to 6’4, averaged 22/6/3 and led Lehigh to a 15 over 2 upset over Duke as a junior, got picked in the lottery, and became one of…
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Real Brookfield: Damian Lillard Career Top 10
When I first saw Damian Lillard’s name linked to Portland in a mock draft in 2012—to be perfectly honest—I had not only never heard of him, but I had never even heard of his school, Weber State. I remember scoffing at this proposed selection, and literally saying out loud, “but what about Austin Rivers?” It’s…
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The Most Quintessentially Blazers Days in Blazers History
I’ve spoken previously to the extent to which the offseason represents a vast and desolate content desert, and holy shit is that continuing to be a thing. It is empty; it is a dead, unending nothingness. I started writing about Brett Favre’s post-final-retirement commercial career last week. Like I was literally embedding video of this…
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Replacing Mike Rice: An Authoritative List of Candidates
In mid-June, the Blazers declined to retain the services of both color commentator Mike “The Wild One” Rice and play-by-play man Mike “Mike Barrett” Barrett for the upcoming 2016-2017 season. The reactions from fans ranged from outrage to relief, with a seemingly substantial majority constituting the former. Personally, I was ready for a change. Barrett…
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Looking for Ghosts: Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals
I realized recently that I’ve never actually been able to bring myself to watch any amount of Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals. For those of you who don’t know / have chosen to block it out and are thus now upset with me for having brought it up, Game 7 of the…
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A Foray into Dystopian Free Agency
What’s up fam, welcome to the new longform iteration of blazesketball, and to the content desert that is the NBA offseason. The ‘yoffs are over, the draft came and went, and free agency is winding to a close. There remains nothing but deep, visceral sadness (and Las Vegas Summer League). Free agency has become a…
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[Portland Roundball Society 7/15/15]
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE Hello, friend. Here- take this blanket. You seem disoriented. Have you been wandering about in the cold night questioning the purpose and truth of all things which once were? I thought you might have been. There’s no need to be afraid anymore; there are others like you here. You must have…
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[Portland Roundball Society 12/20/2014] Blazers-Pelicans Preview
Before we even discuss any future events, let’s just take a second to talk about what a cold-blooded assassin of righteousness and poetry Damian Lillard is. He is Mufasa in Lion King. He is Bruce Willis in Die Hard. He doesn’t use coasters. He is Neil Armstrong. He walks away from explosions without looking back.…
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